IC-6969

Description:

We do not know exactly how IC-6969 (hereby called Parodia) entered the GATE Cascade research facility. On 10/12/1992 at 2:36 PM an entire containment cell containing Parodia spontaneously appeared in the office of Dr. Finch (who was attempting to file her two week notice at the time.) Dr. Finch was swiftly promoted from Head of Janitorial Efficiency to the lead researcher of Parodia due to the entity being far more cooperative when talking to her.

Parodia has no concrete appearance (or attached photograph), due to the fact it can change its shape at will and is "camera shy". However, unlike similar shapeshifters at GATE its mass does not stay consistent between forms. The most common form Parodia is seen taking is that of a cloaked figure exactly 3 feet tall and with indiscernible features. If a researcher attempts to look beneath Parodia’s cloak in this form, they will “get a splitting headache that only gets worse the longer you look at it” according to Dr. Finch.

Parodia also has a level of intelligence shared by few other recorded entities at GATE, most notably its ability and willingness to hold conversation with multiple researchers is a property only shared with IS-0012. Parodia’s behavior seems childish in nature. Most notably it seems to enjoy drawing and should be supplied with paper and crayons often by any personnel deemed “cool” by Parodia. These researchers will immediately be tasked with study of Parodia once deemed “cool” as attempting contact with Parodia when not deemed “cool enough” will cause Parodia to create multiple instances of IC-6969-A AKA “Parodies”. This has caused two recorded minor lockdowns (28 and 29 respectively)

IC-6969-A

The creation of Parodies is the most concerning ability Parodia possesses, and this ability is the sole reason it earned the Thela classification. Parody instances loosely resemble other entities contained at GATE with only one recorded instance mimicking an employee at GATE. (the instance in question has been deemed IC-6969-B due to its unique properties). The names Parodia gives its Parodies are typically slight deviations from their inspiration's name (Example: A parody named ‘The Post” had the appearance of a crude drawing of IS-0173 on a small postage note. When a researcher attempted to pick up “The Post” they were somehow bitten by the creature. It was promptly burned by said researcher.)

Lockdown 29

On October 19th, 1992, GATE had its 29th minor lockdown due to the creation of IC-6969-B. This was caused by Dr. Kurvitz expressing his frustrations about being assigned to research Parodia. The following is a transcript of what happened. “Just yesterday I was researching 166 which lord knows was stressful enough but now I have to work with this child just because it thought I was cool?! I swear I will never get to research a single immurement that actually follows the laws of physics! I don't want to spend another second around that thing! If I ever make it to an afterlife I am going to have some choice words for Issac Newt- … Is that supposed to be me?”

All camera footage during and after this incident was corrupted, assumedly by Parodia. While Dr. Kurvitz was unharmed; the encounter seemed to make him have an extreme crisis of self. Kurvitz reportedly “needed to apologize to some loved ones.” and promptly quit on the spot. He now works as a veterinarian. When asked what it did Parodia stated “I told him what he had to hear :] “(it said "colon square bracket" out loud)

Incidents like this (and Parodia seemingly being able to change its IC number) make Parodia very hard to classify. Regardless, we have decided to classify it based on what we have seen it do, not what it could theoretically achieve, which is why it is not classified under Solutus despite the fact it seemingly contained itself.

Dr. Derek Manse has yet to make an official report on Parodia due to its lack of proper containment and how little we know about it. Upon learning of its existence, he stated “It's as if everything I despised about that paperweight was multiplied tenfold and given the mind of a 7 year old. I'm taking my break early. Get that janitor to look after it for an hour or two.”

REVIEW([email protected])

Pretty good report for a former janitor. I do wish we could change its classification number though. As funny as it was to see the first time its rather unprofessional. Also, I'd recommend removing that last part about Manse and improve the formatting a bit. We're already on thin ice as is.

RE:([email protected])

No.

Trivia:

The photo attached in this article was personally drawn by Parodia, and it is the only known instance of it drawing itself.

Parodia has called Dr. Derek Manse "A stinky poo poo head >:[" after Dr. Stone repeatedly told it not to. Dr. Stone believes Dr. Finch may be a bad influence on Parodia.

Parodia's favorite food is "Crab, but like jumping alien ones. Specifically."